How Can I?
by Claymate
Summary: This is for caalan4rfr. A sequel to Because I Can. The cutter Travis. UPDATED!
1. Default Chapter

This is for caalan4rfr. It's a sequel to your "Because I Can". I am brave enough to write about Travis cutting, so that's what I'm gonna do. All for you caalan!  
  
Well, if you read above, you'll know what I'm about to write. Otherwise, just read, please.   
  
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Catch you tomorrow for another exciting episode of Radio Free Roscoe." Ray said and hung his headphones on the microphone in front of him.  
  
"Great show, guys. Hey, I'm gonna go to Mickey's. Anyone wanna join me?" Robbie said.  
  
"Sure." Said Ray. "I'm in."  
  
"Last chance. You guys in?" Robbie said as he turned to them.  
  
"Oh, I wish I could, Robbie, but I have to organize my CD's for tomorrows show. I guess I'll see ya." Lily said.  
  
"But you just organized your CD's yesterday." Robbie protested.  
  
"Yeah, well, they fell." She said. They looked at each other and started laughing.  
  
"So, what about you, Trav? You coming?" Robbie said after he'd stopped laughing.  
  
"Uh, no. Lotta work to do before tomorrow. Sorry, guys." He said without looking up from his work.  
  
"Oh, come ON! You haven't been with us to Mickey's in over a month!" Robbie whined.  
  
"I said I was sorry, but I just can't leave this stuff. Especially now. It's almost summer, and we need a big RFR finale." He said.  
  
"Fine. Ray, let's go." He said and dragged Ray out the door, venting to him in a, to Ray, a very annoying way. Lily laughed and went to sorting through her CD's. Five minutes passed, then ten, and Travis hadn't said a word.  
  
"Hey, Travis? You okay? You're awfully quiet." Lily said.  
  
"Aren't I always?" He said.  
  
"Well—yes. You are. I hate it when you're right." She said and giggled.  
  
"No, but seriously. You are okay?" She said.  
  
"Of course I'm I okay. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, slightly annoyed.  
  
"I don't know. Just...nosy. Sorry." She said. "Hey, speaking of it being almost summer, what's with all the long-sleeved shirts you've been wearing all the time lately?"  
  
"This is practically all I have, Lily. What the hell is with the 3rd Degree?" He said, this time angrily.  
  
"What 3rd Degree? This isn't a 3rd Degree, you're just paranoid!" She yelled.  
  
"ME paranoid?! You're the one who was asking the questions in the first place!" He shouted.  
  
At this, she turned her head away from him and tried to steady her breathing.  
  
"Damn." He said under his breath. "Lily, I'm sorry I shouted at you. I didn't mean to. I'm just-under a lot of stress right now, you've got to understand that."  
  
"It's not all your fault. I shouted, too. And I'm sorry." She said.  
  
He laughed a little, then said, "Come here, girl."  
  
She laughed and embraced him in a hug.  
  
"I was just concerned, that's all. I didn't mean to offend you." She said into his shirt. She folded her arms to his chest and buried her head into it. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter.  
  
"Travis? What's that?" She said and wriggled out of his grip and pointed to his arm, where there was a small stained spot.  
  
"What's what? Oh! Oh...that. That's nothing, I just spilled something on it, that's all." He said and tried to hug her again, but she refused.  
  
"But Travis, how could you have? It's on the bottom of your sleeve." She said.  
  
He didn't respond, but looked down at the floor.  
  
"Travis, please tell me what I'm thinking is completely wrong." She said quietly.  
  
"Wha-what are you thinking?" He said.  
  
"I'm thinking---self-mutilation." She said in a barely audible whisper.  
  
She held his arm up and slid down the sleeve to reveal that her thinking was correct, and Travis's scars proved it.  
  
"My God." Was the only words she could say.  
  
Tears flowed freely down Travis's cheeks.  
  
"Oh, Travis...we're gonna get you help, okay? I promise." 


	2. Completly Safe

Chapter 2! A Great big than you to everyone who reviewed. Tina, you don't have to cry. (  
  
Travis sat in the small office that Lily had taken him to earlier that morning. Lily sat in one chair, Travis in another. They held hands across their chairs. He looked at her with a look that plainly stated: "I'm terrified".  
  
She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Truth be told, she was a little afraid, too. But not because they were here. She was terribly afraid for Travis. What if they didn't get through to him? He needed this help, before he did something they'd all regret.  
  
Out of nowhere, the door opened, and a tall women entered, looking not a day older than 20, but promising.  
  
"Hello. My name is Dr. Julian, and I'm going to be your counselor." She said. She had a calm voice and a smile on. Travis didn't look comforted.  
  
"Now, which one of you has the problem with self-mutilation?" She said.  
  
Travis, for the first time since we'd gotten here, spoke with a very shaky voice.  
  
"M-Me."  
  
"Okay. Well, ugh, I'm so sorry, but I don't have enough time right now to do a whole session. So how about we set one up for Saturday, 8:00, okay?" She said.  
  
He appeared not to be able to say anything else, so he just nodded.  
  
"Okay, great. By the way, what's your name? I haven't got my files with me." She asked.  
  
Seeing that Travis had probably had enough, Lily spoke for him.  
  
"His name's Travis. Strong." She said and stole a glance at him. His look said "Thank You". She nodded.  
  
"You can exit the way you entered." She said.  
  
Once they got outside, Travis breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"That was horrible. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive on Saturday!" He said.  
  
"Travis, It'll be fine. You're gonna be okay. I'll be right there with you. I promise. Okay, right now, you need this more than anything. You need help."  
  
He stared at her for a moment, then sighed.  
  
"You're right." He said. "But it doesn't make me any less terrified." She could tell he was holding back tears.  
  
"You know that's about the dumbest thing you could ever do, right? You could've gotten seriously hurt or worse! Why were you doing it anyway?" She said.  
  
He looked away from then, and remained silent.  
  
"Travis! Why were you doing it? Please, give me something!"  
  
No more holding back. Tears were flowing down his face now.  
  
"I won't laugh. Or, I won't think it's stupid. I just want to help. You know that." She said.  
  
"It's just-it's not the kind of reason that you would think." He said.  
  
"Well, so what? It doesn't matter! Just tell me! Why?" She said.  
  
"Because I couldn't have you! Okay? I couldn't have you! I knew I couldn't do that to Ray! He loves you! And I couldn't take you! But...but, I loved you, too." He said. "And the pressure was just, to enormous and it took all my willpower not to ask you out, to touch your hand, your shoulder, anything. So, to release, I started to cut. There, are you happy? You got it out of me."  
  
"Oh, God. Travis, I never knew-"She started.  
  
"Of course you never knew! I couldn't tell you! Ray would've never spoken to me again! You guys—you're the only real friends I've ever had, and I wanted to keep it that way. But no matter what, I'm still going to Love you." He said.  
  
She looked at him. The longest time before she gave u and collapsed in his arms and started to sob uncontrollably. He held to her fast. They stood there for hours and when Lily stopped crying, he still held on to her. When it started raining, he still held her, until she held her head up to look at him.  
  
"I guess we should go in now, huh?" She said and laughed a little.  
  
He smiled down at her, the rain had him soaked. He laughed and kissed her, deeply, with the rain falling in sheets all around them. They didn't mind. Just as long as they were in each others arms, they were completely safe. 


	3. Going Somewhere

Hey, guys. Here's chapter three. I'm sorry I took so long, but I was bombarded with birthday parties. AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's how bad it was.  
  
Saturday came. Too soon in Travis's opinion. Even though he knew Lily was going to be with him, he was still scared. He didn't know why, either, and that really annoyed him. But soon that was covered with fear when he met up with Lily at the station, which was only a few blocks away from the clinic.  
  
"Hey Travis." Lily said quietly when they arrived.  
  
He gulped and said "Hey." more quietly than Lily.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" She said with concern in her voice.  
  
"No." He said. "No, I'm not. I'm-I'm really scared, Lily."  
  
"Oh, I know you are, Travis. But I'll be right there with you." She said.  
  
"Thanks." He said, then paused before saying, "I have no idea why I'm so scared. And that makes me so angry. I'm terrified for no reason!"  
  
"Well, I don't know how to help you there. Come on, we're gonna be late." She said, and led him through the oak doors to Travis's room in the clinic.  
  
"Well, welcome back, Travis." Said Dr. Julian cheerfully. "Let's get started, shall we?"  
  
He was breathing heavily again, and holding Lily's hand very tightly.  
  
"Now, first off, Why were you cutting in the first place?" She asked. He didn't say anything. Lily gave him a worried look. She couldn't stick up for him this time; she knew he had to say it himself.  
  
"Come on, honey. We won't get anywhere if you don't tell me why. I mean, I don't want to rush you, but we need to get to the source." She said.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Are there problems at home? At school?" She said. "Have you been stressed out lately?"  
  
He slowly shook his head. Lily squeezed his hand tighter than usual, coaxing him on. He really needed to do this, or he'd get hurt. That scared the hell out of Lily.  
  
He looked at her, with tremendous fear in his eyes, then slowly looked back to Dr. Julian, took a deep breath, and spoke.  
  
"I-I did it because- well, you see, this girl, Lily, is the love and light of my life. And you'd think that was enough to make any guy so happy he could jump the moon, right? Well, people are wrong. See, another guy was in Love with her, also." His voice was becoming stronger and stronger with each word.  
  
"It was torture, because I'm friends with this other guy, and I couldn't say anything. Couldn't say one damn thing! That's why I did it. Because. I. Couldn't. Have. Her." He finished with an enraged note in his voice.  
  
Lily smiled. Maybe this was going somewhere after all. 


End file.
